Gripes of a born loser
Submitted by zugstwit on February 1, 2008 - 9:19am.The best things in life are free and here's a list of those gifts that I have tried giving but apparently I was not at all successful.
1. THE GIFT OF LISTENING...
I was REALLY listening but the guy who did the talking was an expert in monologue.
2. THE GIFT OF AFFECTION...
This is one gift that I must think twice in giving hugs, kisses, pat on the back and holds to my officemates least they'll be screaming, "sexual harassment!"
3. THE GIFT OF A WRITTEN NOTE...
I hesitate to give this twice over, the first time I scribbled a note to the officemate, she returned the note saying, "If you're here to ruin my eyesight with those ugly scrawl, don't even think about it!"
4. THE GIFT OF A COMPLIMENT...
The last time I uttered a simple and sincere greeting, I was hit right smack on my head. All I said was, "Today is your birthday, much as I like to give you a present, I'd rather give you a past."
5. THE GIFT OF A FAVOR...
I did this too but every time I go out of my way to do something kind, I forgot the way back in.
6. THE GIFT OF SOLITUDE...
This is where I excel the most, now everybody refers to me as that dysfunctional introverted guy who is a legend in his own mind!
7. THE GIFT OF A CHEERFUL DISPOSITION...
The last time I got bawled all over was slapping everybody's back during internment.
8. THE GIFT OF LAUGHTER...
At times the ravages of old age show themselves all at the ill-opportune time. I vow never to laugh boisterously with my loose dentures on. How can I help it? The guy's a killer at the punch line!
